Those of you who don't have any emotional investment in the Harry Potter books, feel free to move along. Nothing to see here.

For the rest of you, I'm going to alternately rant, give praise and wax philosophical about the sixth book. And yes, there will be spoilers. Huge ones. And lots of them. And I will ramble.

Oh, and I should warn you that it's very, very long. Click at your own risk.

First of all, I liked the beginning and the ending a lot. Very little interactions with the Stepfamily From Hell, which was welcome, and a nice reunion between Harry and his friends. The final five chapters or so were absolutely riveting - definite "cannot put this down" material. At these extremes of the book, it really felt like I was reading a Harry Potter story.

However, the middle was often very painful to read. Somewhere along the line, these extremely well developed characters we've come to know and love turned into caricatures in the name of tackling the issue of Teenage Hormones. Harry himself escaped most of the damage, having gone from the Angry Young Man of the last book to a more mature and settled individual -- albeit one with a monster living in his chest. Ron, however, seemed to regress in maturity rather than grow up. Apart from slight flashes of sensitivity, such as admitting that Luna has grown on him, and not allowing Harry to be the Tragic Loner Hero at the end, he's very much a man-boy, reacting to the world around him like the 11-year-old from the first book.

His small step backward was nothing, though, compared to poor Hermione. Dear God, what happened to Hermione? What happened to the oldest, most mature, most emotionally stable (though that's not saying much) of the three? Suddenly she's a creature of jealousy of spite whose entire self-image depends on what Ron thinks of her. This was one of the best heroines of modern literature, and this book absolutely ruined her, all in the name of Teenage Hormones. Sure, I knew girls like this when I was seventeen, but I sure as hell didn't seek out their company. Yes, I get that there are real people who act like that, but it was completely inconsistent with the Story So Far, and frankly, I expect better of the heroes of the story. Sure, I like my heroes flawed, but I do NOT like my heroes to be assholes.

And then dear little Ginny Weasley. Ye gods, where do I start? Practically perfect in every way. She's hot! She's sought after! She likes sports! She's sarcastic! She makes the monster in Harry's chest rear back and say "Oh, baby!" And she has this flowery scent that Harry once smelled in a love potion, so obviously she's destined to be his One And Only as long as she doesn't ever change her brand of shampoo. Ah, young love. But seriously, apart from the fact that this little romance came after five years of Harry barely noticing the girl existed, apart from the fact that her character seemed to be pumped up at the expense of others, apart from the fact that it demonstrates that all you have to do is obsessively hold onto your preteen crush long enough and you will eventually get your way... apart from all that, the actual romance was not terribly offensive, mostly because it took place almost entirely off-camera. And they seemed to be genuinely happy, which is a nice change from the gloom and doom of recent years at Hogwarts. At the same time, I hope their break-up at the end of the book was a real break-up, because I will hack up my entire lower tract if Harry spends the entire seventh book finding inspiration to overcome his trials by thinking back on the fire-haired beauty waiting in the tower for her shining knight to come back after vanquishing the Dark Lord. (/horf)

Speaking of romance, I have never, ever liked Ron and Hermione as a couple, but I didn't start actively disliking it until I started paying attention to fandom. Basically, I'm not really thrilled about the cliche of squabbling being a mask for true affection. Many fans of the coupling follow the very simple argument that People Who Are In Love Fight All The Time, therefore People Who Fight All The Time Are In Love, therefore Ron And Hermione Are In Love. I find the entire cliche insulting. I get the whole Sparks thing, the whole Chemistry thing, and the whole Unresolved Sexual Tension theory, but all of those boil down to this misconseption that Conflict=Love. If I may go all Freudian on you, I imagine this dislike has to do with the extremely conflictual relationship my parents had before they split up. Honestly, Ron and Hermione are reminding me more and more of my parents, and of some of the more miserable stretches of my childhood, so naturally I'm biased. (I, myself, had the good fortune to marry a brilliant, bookish girl, so you can probably guess who I've been rooting for Harry to fall for.)

After this book, I absolutely loathe the pairing, and I find it highly offensive that we're having it shoved down our throats as a "typical" romance. Their "relationship" has taken a considerable turn for the worse now that Ron is doing all his thinking with his Other Wand and Hermione has fallen out of the Bitchy Tree and hit every branch on the way down. It's all fights, verbal abuse, a sprinkling of physical violence, stormy silences and abrupt make-ups coming only after tragic events bring them back together. They bring out the absolute worst in one another, and their "banter," far from being amusing, is disturbing and offensive. Please, JKR, if the seventh book is going to be all about the trio, don't have Harry forced to constantly mediate between his friends. He's got enough on his mind as it is.

Come to think on it, there isn't a really good track record for the female characters 'round here. Cho Chang was a basket case, at least some of which could be attributed to the dead boyfriend, but also showed a real mean streak of jealousy and manipulativeness in her brief relationship with Harry last book. Once she wasn't getting her way, it was all about the mind games and spite. Hermione has become all that and more, between dating another boy just to maximize her potential to irritate Ron, attacking him with a cloud of birds, and back-handedly insulting his Quidditch abilities while he's busily kissing Lavender nearby. Lavender herself is a paper-thin caricature of the clingy girlfriend-cum-stalker. And Ginny, after Harry breaks up with her, tells him that she never got over him, and dating other boys and coming out of her shell was not a symptom of her maturity, but a further attempt to get his attention. So apparently we're left to believe that teenage girls are one and all master manipulators in the field of emotions. The only one who really dodges this is Luna, who thus far has been more or less asexual anyway.

Luna. Sigh. I had such high hopes for this character after her introduction in the last book. I had similar hopes for Neville Longbottom, who proved his Gryffindor bravery yet again in the Department of Mysteries. I really thought that the sixth book would have six principal characters, elevating Neville, Luna and Ginny to at least a "major supporting characters" role. Alas, only Ginny got that treatment. Neville was criminally absent -- not a word about how much better he may or may not have become now that he has more confidence and a wand of his own. Luna's appearances were wonderful, if entirely too brief, but mostly seemed to use her only for comic relief purposes, with none of the unconventional wisdom she showed in the last book.

Hmm, I am indeed rambling, so perhaps I should just start from the beginning and list of likes and dislikes.

Nice observation by Dumbledore that at least Harry isn't as damaged as Dudley.

Okay, so they sent Kreacher to work in the kitchens. Kreacher, who thoroughly hates anyone but purebloods, who loathes his new master, and who has shown in the past that he will twist his orders as it suits him in order to hurt those he dislikes, is working in the freaking kitchens. With access to the entire student body's food and drink. Anyone else get red flags at this?

Phlegm? Sigh.

Am I the only one who was bothered by the fact that nobody ever seemed to take Harry's suspicions of Draco seriously? It seemed like they were trying way too hard to play devil's advocate all the time. Never mind that he turned out to be right - haven't his friends always been willing to at least follow up on his hunches, even with caution?

Thank heavens for the Weasley twins. U-No-Poo? Classic. And very nice that they're branching out of the joke business and working on genuine anti-Dark-Arts items.

Nice scene on the train with Harry, Neville and Luna, though their reactions to learning that the D.A. wasn't coming back were painful. (I'm kind of surprised the D.A. didn't continue, though I imagine Snape might not have allowed it.) I loved Harry brushing off the Beautiful People to stay with his friends, considering that a year ago he was hoping for "cooler" people than Neville and Luna to be found with.

In chapter eight, Snape is on camera for about five seconds and I'm grinding my teeth. I'm so freaking sick of him AND his classes. "Okay, JKR, we get it! Snape hates Harry! He's going to unfairly dock points from Gryffindor and taunt him about his dead parents! Harry's going to scowl and say mean things in italicised text! WE GET IT!" (Though admittedly, in the next chapter, Harry gets off one the most classic lines of all time at Snape's expense. "There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor." Lovely.)

Did anyone else hear "Dueling Banjos" when we saw the flashback to the Gaunt house? (Yes, I know it was England, but I couldn't help but think of that movie...)

Lots of talk about love potions and obsessive love throughout the book, which is interesting considering that the middle third is like an episode of Hogwarts Creek. Red herring? Probably. We couldn't be so lucky as to think there would be a "rational" explanation for all that...

And from our stock of Characters Who Appear From Nowhere, we give you McLaggen. A character who apparently exists mostly to make Hermione look bad, first here where she hexes him so Ron will make the team, and later when she asks him out to make Ron jealous. Sigh. I did love it, however, when a squadron of Hufflepuffs tried out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. As an unabashed Hufflepuff supporter, that made me laugh.

Poor Hagrid. Hated the whole scene where they try to apologize to him. Must they always lie to him to maintain their friendship? I suppose it's an ass-backwards way of showing that they care, but it's still unfortunate.

I noticed a few more references to God in this one, such as Ron saying "Thank God" when they arrive at Honeydukes. Intentional, or bad editing?

In Herbology, when it begins to occur to Harry that Something is going on between Ron and Hermione, he seems kind of resigned to it (much the way I feel, frankly). What I found interesting is that he didn't see this as being good for their friendship, whether the two of them break up and become impossible to deal with, or stay together and shut him out. So much for the widely-held belief in fandom that Harry would be thrilled for them.

Another sighting of Harry's monster as Dean kisses Ginny. Ginny's attack on her brother was almost as inexcusable as Ron's reaction to it. By this time I was already sick of the hormones, but there was much, much more to come...

Harry heartily dislikes Zacharias Smith? Really? Just because he was skeptical about the way his housemate died, and took a Show Don't Tell attitude into the D.A. with him? Pity. I thought there was more to Z than being a one-dimensional ass, though I guess that was all we had time for in this book.

The canary attack. There are no words.

Loved it that Luna was the one comforting Hermione after Ron made her cry again. (Can you tell I adore Luna?) The entire scene where Harry asks her to the party is priceless. I smiled a lot during this chapter, including at the point where Harry snarfs his drink after Luna says something particularly Lunish. I preferred to think that the line "Really, it had been worth bringing Luna just for this" was a laughing-with-you rather than a laughing-at-you moment, but then, I'm biased.

Okay, Ron threw a kitchen knife at his brothers when they gave him grief over Lavender. Threw. A. Kitchen. Knife. And got a mild scolding. Sometimes I get the idea that the wizarding world is a very abusive and violent place overall, and that I'm supposed to think of things like this, and the canaries, and people getting stuffed into vanishing cabinets, as somehow funny. Hasn't worked yet.

Well done on Harry showing his scarred hand to the new Minister of Magic and essentially telling him to piss off. Applause-worthy moment.

And in our revolving cameos, a big hello to Ernie Macmillan and Susan Bones in the apparation lessons. Still waiting for a Hufflepuff with a significant role (who doesn't die).

Can we have more Luna Quidditch commentary? Please? Oh, and as a shout-out to all those downtrodden 'Puffers out there, I just want to point out that Hufflepuff is now three and one versus Gryffindor since Harry's arrival. In your face! (Okay, so it took a cancelled match, a dementor attack, a Tri-Wizard Tournament, a triple banning and an idiot keeper knocking out his own seeker for this to happen, but still! Scoreboard, baby!)

Lavender: "I won't be ignored, Ron!"

So Hepzibah Smith was an heir of Hufflepuff, eh? I can hear the theories about Zacharias already. After all, considering how many utterly bizarre wizard names there are, "Smith" is probably pretty rare...

And the Number One line from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince that sounds dirty but isn't: "I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you." (/Letterman)

A drunken Slughorn referring to Harry as "Parry Otter" is going to spawn a few theories, I imagine.

The horcruxes are interesting, and at least it gives us a focus for what the next book is going to be about. Though the concept of your soul being shredded by committing murder - what does that mean for the one(s) that must take on Lord Thingie and his minions? Do you get a freebie for taking out Really Mean People?

"Sectumsempra! Er... oops!" Like many others, I was very disappointed in the way Hermione skewered a shell-shocked Harry afterward with a petty remark about his performance in Potions. And then Ginny comes to his rescue. Sigh. It's sad when the formerly strong heroine of the story is reduced to such things in order to push the love interests together.

I wondered if Harry kissing Ginny so soon after her breakup with Dean would make the Gryffindor 6th-year dorm a rather uncomfortable place Funnily enough, though, Dean all but disappeared after this. Maybe JKR was tired of the angst as well.

If it's all the same, I think that on any subsequent re-readings I'll skip right past the pages where Harry's feeding that potion to Dumbledore. Ye gods.

And then, the Big Final Battle, and we come upon an unfortunate side-effect of the Harry-centric POV. Apparently there was a pretty spectacular fight going on below them (including the sorely underused Neville), and we saw squat. I wonder how they'll handle this in the movie, should there be one? I mean sure, the confrontation between Dumbledore and Malfoy was interesting and all, but I feel like we missed out. Nonetheless, huge love to Neville for chasing headlong after the Death Eaters, even though it got him injured. That's mah boy!

Hmm, why do I get the feeling that the Astronomy Tower will not be such a popular snogging spot in seventh-year fanfics?

And hell yeah for that duel with Snape! Even in a fight, he's still being the disapproving teacher who taunts Harry for not working hard enough. But I was never a bigger fan of Harry's than during this fight. "Kill me then -- kill me like you killed him, you coward --" Kick ass, boy wizard.

Speaking of Snape, I'm ninety percent sure this is all still part of the Plan, that Snape is still working for the side of good, and that Dumbledore was pleading with him to not blow his cover, even if it meant sacrificing D's own life. However, screw that. I want Snape to be evil. I want him to finally get what's coming to him after six years of misery. I'm just so damned sick of him.

Go Fleur. In yer face, Molly.

I have no problem at all with Tonks and Lupin as a couple, even though I think Lupin's chances of surviving the next book are between zero and nothing. But what a klutzy scene that was, when she professes her devotion during the post-mortem. Eesh.

So, Dumbledore already has a painting up in the Headmaster's Office. Which makes me wonder -- how much do these paintings retain of their subjects, anyway? Will Our Heroes be able to go into the office and solicit advice from him? Will he have memories of his tenure? Will he recognize his former students? It does make the death seem a little less "final," if that makes any sense.

And in our final Neville and Luna moment, we have a rush of affection from Harry as he sees Luna helping Neville to his seat at the funeral. I would have hoped they would have been with Harry's group, but so it goes. At any rate, I will cling to my hope that the two of them still have a significant part to play in the finale. I'd hate to think they got all that build-up in book five just to become bit-parts later.

However, based on the last page, I sense a Trio-centric final installment, which could be good and bad. I'll continue to hold out hope for a larger cast of truly significant players, for either an end to the Ron/Hermione "romance" or some serious attitude adjustment for both of them, for Hermione to start acting like Harry's friend again at the very least, and... I dunno. Just more of the sort of writing we got toward the end of the book rather than the stuff in the middle. JKR certainly has a satirical streak, but this whole Teenage Hormones thing felt like a parody of her own writing, and I'd just as soon not have to sit through more of that.

Cripes, this was long. Signing off.